10 Tips for Making friends in a new country
Make Friends Abroad
with these 10 tips.
Whether you’re making a permanent move or living it up as a digital nomad, when it comes to moving abroad, some of the scariest prospects are leaving your friends and family behind and making friends in a new country. Especially if you are accustomed to having a strong support system and community. And particularly if you rely on them for practical everyday help like carpools and/or childcare, thanks Grams!
When you make the decision to give that up—with all the wonderful new experiences on the horizon, of course—it can feel overwhelming, and to some, an insurmountable feat to build it all back up. And given the unique challenges of making friends as an expat, where do you even start? Well, let's start by getting back to basics. Here are 10 tips that will help you start finding your people and building back that community.
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Meet Sarah Siegert
Expat Friendship Coach originally from Germany and now living in the UK for the last 3+ years, Sarah, too, struggled to make friends at the beginning of her expat journey.
As a trained life coach, a mental health first aider, and holding a degree in Counselling, she has specialized in coaching adults to help them to reach their friendship goals for the last two years.
You can find more info about Sarah here, or better yet, sign up for her new program, Connected Abroad.
But first, let’s see her top tips for making friends.
Sarah’s Tips for Making Friends Abroad
Be Yourself
One of the most important things, when you want to make new friends abroad, is to show up as yourself, and don't try to be different in order for others to like you. I can assure you that at some point, this 'role play' won't be sustainable anymore. You will feel unhappy about having to be someone else when you're around your friends, you will feel less connected with others and it won't ever allow you to have a deep friendship with someone. The aim of a true friendship is for people to love you for who you are and the right people will come along and love you for exactly who you are.
Get Out There (Online or In Real Life) & Meet New People
I know this might be scary for some of you and especially during/after a global pandemic people might still feel quite anxious about meeting people in real life, BUT you need to get yourself out there and meet new people. This can be online or in real life, however, you would prefer it.
It's as simple as this: in order for you to make new friends abroad, you need to meet new potential friends abroad. Friends won't magically find you and want to be your friends. You need to actively search for them!
Work On Your Mindset
When you want to make new friends abroad, you need to be in the right frame of mind. You need to be able to leave certain thoughts behind, these could be thoughts like 'I already know they won't like me anyway', 'I'm not interesting enough for them to befriend me', 'I don't think we will become proper friends'. They are not serving you! They make you feel low, they make you doubt yourself and the other person as well as the process.
What you need are thoughts that improve your self-confidence, that make you trust the process, and make you feel excited about meeting new people and making new friends.
Everything starts with our thoughts, so managing them is incredibly important.
Work On Your Communication Skills
We might all need a little refresher on how to communicate with someone properly, especially after two years mainly speaking to people over the phone, video calls, or texts.
When you meet someone, it is crucial how you show up and present yourself. This will determine the first impression and whether the other person is interested in pursuing the conversation with you.
This is where self-confidence comes into play as well. Showing up self-confident (meaning with a good body posture, owning the room), approaching someone with self-confidence (meaning walking towards them while holding eye contact and smiling), and talking to someone with self-confidence (meaning being able to hold eye contact appropriately, not fidgeting around, etc.).
Non-verbal communication skills are very important as well. As mentioned already, eye contact is part of it, but also smiling, nodding, body posture, allowing the other person to speak and you will listen.
Don't Let Rejection Get You Down
Even if you do all of these things—you go out, you have a great mindset, you are yourself, and your communication skills are on point, people can still decide that they don't want to be friends with you, and that's okay!
Start learning to deal with rejection. What do you make it mean if someone doesn't want to be your friend? Let me tell you, it has everything to do with the other person and nothing to do with you. It is just a portrait of their own thoughts and feelings—they might not feel good enough, they might think they don't have enough time, they might feel they didn't experience the right connection, and so on. All of that doesn't mean that you failed or that there is anything wrong with you or with what you have done! You are great and you have tried your best. This person wasn't meant to be your friend, and you know why? Because they chose to.
Wow, thank you, Sarah!
What a great reminder of what our childhood selves would tell us if they could! From pandemic life, to already having a secure circle, to being set in your ways, or maybe even relying on family as friends, as we get older, there are many reasons we have a harder time making friends. The above five tips are great to keep in mind as you put yourself out there maybe for the first time in a long time.
Maybe you're like me—shy and introverted until you really get to know someone well enough to decide they're a good friend match. Maybe you're swamped with family and work responsibilities and don't make time for yourself and inadvertently schedule yourself out of time to find new friends. Maybe you work from home (as so many of us do now) and don't have as many opportunities to meet new people. Whatever your case, Sarah's tips can help you get ready to find new friends. Wait, but how do you find new friends in a new country? Here are some of the best ways I've found friends since moving to Portugal.
Allison’s Tips on Where to find new friends
Expat & Mom Groups On Social Media
The first two times I lived abroad due to my husband's job opportunities (Reykjavik, Iceland and Berlin, Germany), I would love to say I had a hard time making friends, but the truth is I didn't really try. In both cases, the posts were temporary, I was working remotely for clients back in the States, and I didn't know the local language.
Then, when we were preparing for our next move abroad to London in late 2019/early 2020, I asked a friend who had lived in London with kids for some advice on schools and areas to live in. She suggested joining some American expat groups and expat mom groups on Facebook, and this was the first I had ever heard of this kind of thing. You can read about how London turned into Budapest, which all got canceled by the pandemic and we ended up in Portugal here.
But for each location, I started joining Facebook groups. They're a wonderful source of information, but one of the most spectacular things I've found the more groups I've joined is that people like to help other people. And in the process of helping others, sometimes you meet people with whom you click. Sometimes you find people who have gone through or are going through the same process as you and they become someone you can go to for advice or to commiserate or celebrate your wins.
In addition, specific locations like the city or region you are living abroad may have local online groups you can join. These are great for finding local information like where to buy what, references and recommendations, travel tips, and local events or meetups.
Parents From School & Kids’ Activities
I know what you're thinking...PTA moms get a bad rap. But in a new country, after finding a new school, the best way to meet other parents is to find the other parents. Most schools have a parents association or maybe even a welcoming committee and this is a great place to chat up some families and see if you vibe with any of the other parents. Particularly if your kids go to an international or similar type of school, there will be many families in the same situation as you. They will also be looking for friends, which can take some of the awkwardness out of the process. It's kind of like dating...a couple of coffee (ahem, or a glass of Portuguese vinho—don't judge) play dates, maybe a babysitter and an adult double date, et voila, you'll know if it's a good friend fit! Rinse and repeat and sooner than later, you'll have a circle you can rely on.
Additionally, if your kids participate in any sports or clubs, this is a great way to meet parents of kids with similar interests. When I coached club volleyball years ago, many of the parents became lifelong friends simply due to the amount of time they spent together during club events.
Hobby and/or Similar Interest Groups
Running, surfing, knitting, reading, yoga retreats, whatever your jam is, there's a group for you. Find a group of like-minded people and join in! With life starting to get back to a new normal, there are more and more in-person meetups happening every day. This is a fantastic way to meet new people who have similar interests as you. And since you're "forced" to hang out with them often, you may just find your new bestie in the bunch.
Language Learning Classes
When you move to a new country, oftentimes you need to start learning the local language in order to enhance your new life abroad. Expats especially can benefit from language learning as it helps to integrate into the local culture. Whether it's joining an online or in-person class, finding a study or speaking partner or group, joining a local language exchange, or simply striking up a conversation in your new language while you buy cookies, language learning can offer many opportunities to share about ourselves, and ultimately, learn about others. And maybe in the process, you'll meet someone who might be friend potential.
By Chance
One of the biggest mistakes I made when living abroad in the past was getting caught up working from home and never really getting out in the real world. Our time abroad was temporary, and I liked going out and enjoying our temporary surroundings with my husband. I didn't put myself out there to make friends the way I have here in Portugal. And while I definitely enjoyed those living abroad experiences, I can look back now and realize that I was not fully living those experiences. I was wading through...enjoying the location but not the life. If you don't put yourself out there, then you'll never put yourself in situations to meet new people and potential new friends. So whether you're living abroad for a few months, a few years, or for a lifetime, dig in, get out, and make friends!
In my past life, I have been shy, introverted, closed off, and sometimes even perceived as bitchy. But the truth is, I've struggled to have the confidence to put myself out there. Making friends has never been easy for me, and the thought of having to make a bunch of new friends in a foreign country where we know no one was incredibly daunting. So rather than focus on the daunting, I focused on the process. And in the process realized that helping others with the process sounded pretty awesome. I had never blogged before, and truthfully, it was meant to be more of a place for friends and family to follow our adventures. And then it turned into something even more amazing...
This blog has helped me find my voice.
I've never put myself out there like I have in this blog. And it has been repaid to me in spades. The people I've met on my blogging journey have astonished me. I've been so fortunate to have found a wonderful (and extensive) group of friends.
From those who started out asking a million questions over Facebook messenger, to others who calmed me in my moments of madness, I'm surrounded by friends who I consider family. And while I miss my friends and family in the States more than they'll ever really know, if they can't be here with us, I'm sooooo glad I have this group here holding me up. So, thank you all for all your support thus far.
Community is one of the biggest factors that makes a place feel like home. When you move to a new place, you won't truly feel like you're "home" until you create that community. Which is why making friends is so important.
I genuinely hope these tips will help you on your journey to finding new friends in your new life abroad. Good luck, and don't be scared. You can do this!
Move to Portugal
